Psychopolitik 2.0

Via Radley’s sunday links:

I guess fiber does help…

Things I would think if I were an alien and got my sense of humanity solely from TV commercials in the U.S.:

The men of the species are all slobish morons who only have knowledge on fixing vehicles & preparing animals for eating over fire.  They mostly work in man-made maze configurations, counting the seconds to themselves when they can go gather in groups consuming clear yellowish liquid, the taste of which is described sparingly as “cold” and “refreshing”, if at all.  Most of them, their mating organs fail at the age of 30, or upon getting their first grey hair, whichever comes first.  Despite this, they tend to mate with females visibly half their age, who they met via “internet dating”.  They also obtain pleasure from using vehicles large enough to store 20 Z2456nffs, seeing this as a mark of their masculinity.  The young ones prefer electronic devices to contact with their own species, and seem to like devices with carvings of fruit on them for this purpose — in fact, devices that do not have this symbol are treated as diseased.  The dark ones worship as an idol a food substance they call “fried chicken”, cannot control the volume of their communication, and play a game involving tossing an orange sphere into a hoop.  They also use large vehicles like their light-skinned counterparts, but add reflective artwork called “rims”, “dubs”, or “spinners” to them, apparently to avoid confusion from a distance.

The women of the species all harbor intense hatred for each other, and are constantly slipping back and forth into a state of willful starvation.  Mating does not bring them pleasure, which is only achievable through eating (usually containers of green vegetative matter, or a substance they call “Yo-gert”) or obtaining items not necessary to sustain life, such as animal-hide pouches & body coverings that inhibit movement.  They tend to regularly consult an oracle only known as “Oprah”, and all lose their teeth at the age of 50.  Upon full development of reproductive organs, they must enter large gatherings of males, consume large amounts of clearish-yellow liquid, and then remove their body coverings while screaming into a recording device, otherwise they are required to go into hibernation.  Their digestive systems seem to work in opposition to them at all times, and their skeletons are the most brittle substance on Earth.  Their offspring must play a game involving moving a spherical object with their lower appendages into a net at least once prior to maturation, or they will lose their will to live.  The darker of the females frequently engage in rituals where they wear every color of the visible human spectrum, then form large gatherings before one of their own perspiring heavily and shouting loudly of a creature named “Jesus”, who according to their description has powers not unlike our own species on Dptrmw6937bltXXX.

Some brain-deflating material I was recently put up on:

An amusing moment I saw on YouTube recently:

This dude must get money out the ass on tour, because I could never see myself pounding that ferociously on an MPC unless I could afford to just go get another one if I broke it.

Why didn’t I try this sooner?

Randomly fucking up incoming audio is sooooooo much fun.  Here’s a couple examples of what I did with it in the few minutes immediately after downloading from above:

Example #1: A glitched-up “Amen” edit.  If you’ve been under a rock for some years, no need to fret about what I mean by that term, just listen.

Example #2: TR-808 ran through the ringer.

I could do this all day…

Awhile back, I linked to a couple of articles about a bacon-wrapped hotdog. Was curious about trying it myself. Well, the stars aligned, and I’m now eating this:

I stuck some toothpicks in to hold the bacon on while cooking, and added to the dog some jalapeño & mayo.  The verdict: delicious.

Bacon-wrapped grilled hot dog? Yes please! Gimme a side of nachos an’ a cold stout an’ I’m good.  Food blogs are the shiznit…

Political angle: why the hell are these illegal in Los Angeles?

Man… the old school hiphop:

Y’know, for as much as people gripe about rap videos today being nothing but ass-shaking and materialism, that video had more ass in it than I remembered. Thanks to that period of my life, my personal view on the whole video content fuss is that an MCs bling and video-skank count should be proportional to his skills.  Applied to modern artists, this would mean Nas or Andre 3000 could wear so many chains they can’t stand up & have more scantily clad chicks than the entire Hooters franchise, whereas Rich Boy would be in front of the camera by himself, standing by a Pinto with flat tires.

When an airline pilot works, does he fly the plane & then ride back immediately on the next flight going the opposite direction, as would be considered a “shift” in any other job?  Basically, is the pilot home on a regular schedule or does he work “at will”, where he’d go wherever and potentially stay there between overnight and however long he feels like hanging around in whatever city he happened to have landed in?

Bonus question: I know there are airlines that only give you a pack of those tiny hard pretzels when you ride, and there’s also the ones that give you a meal.  Anyone know one that gives you pretzels, but the big soft buttery kind you might dip in nacho cheese instead of the chintzy little ones?

Hah-Hah!!!